argh

ugh do you ever wish you could just vomit out your life history to someone or every a group of people just to explain who you are so that maybe they'll get you? once again i am afraid of being misunderstood by people and i guess i feel the need to defend myself, which probably isn't necessary. i was telling someone that i felt like a basketcase around them because they are so quiet and calm and gentle and i had mentioned that i was seeing a counselor and talked a little about that to answer one of their questions...but i didn't give the whole story and i know in the big scheme of things its not that important but man sometimes i wish i could just tell people the whole dang story so maybe they could understand. maybe people don't need the whole story but i think i would want to hear theirs too ...anyways i guess i just feel like i need to defend myself...i want to explain who i am and who i once was to people and i'm not sure why i am feeling this way. i guess i just feel really insecure right now, like i have to defend my reasonings for seeing a counselor or something. i don't want to misunderstood and i don't want to be judged and i don't want to be passed off and passed over because of misunderstanding.

i really feel this way about the shine band and actually i have felt this way for about four or five months now, like i want to tell them everything so maybe they'll understand why i act the way i do. maybe i just always feel a step below everyone or something.

i don't know. i have a feeling this is going to be one of those posts that i delete the next morning haha