oh man. oh man oh man oh man
so today i went to Muddy Waters (a cafe) to study for earth science, which by the way I don't understand how on earth (no pun intended) i am supposed to remember whether andesite is intermediate or felsic or aphenitic or etc etc etc but that's beside the point.
anyways i was sitting three feet away from an older couple and they were talking - pretty loud too - and i overheard their conversation. i tried not to but they were right there and i guess next time someone eavesdrops on my conversation i'll just let it slide and say i had it coming
anyways again, they were older, maybe in their late forties, maybe fifties and neither one of them was married. they kept talking about finding a girlfriend for the guy and they really said some interesting things that i jotted down...i know this is probably pretty terrible but i will be repaid somehow i'm sure
the one guy seemed really down about his life and seemed to have lost his passion in general and i really felt for him...that is an awful feeling to feel gray and hopeless and almost indifferent...he said, "I guess I just want to die alone....i think the Lord is coming back, so why bother (trying to find anyone) ?" Oh man. I am so glad the woman he was sitting with spoke up because I was ready to jump in on their conversation and tell this man that I seriously doubt that he means that. I don't think he believed it himself. He definitely felt defeated and I wanted to tell him that he is doing the right thing - having coffee with people and maintaining friendships and that he doesn't have to be alone and that he was in that moment taking a good step towards cultivating a relationship...
the woman later on was giving the man advice, telling him to fill his life with activities, hobbies, "quality things," like "a new car," or a "cat." She said that didn't think she could ever get married as she would probably end up taking care of the person and financially it would be difficult, along with having children, and that it wasn't worth it, and so that was what she did - fill her life with quality things. I do think she was right in a sense, you can't just sit around but you have to make your life count and fill it up with activity.
The only thing is, what is more quality than people? a new car?
That was the one thing I just couldn't get past...quality things when the only real quality things are people and God.
I am writing this from a more general sense in terms of relationships, i don't know, I just really felt for this guy because he felt like he was too old and too lonely and that there was no hope for him - yet at the same time he was in a sense taking a step of progress but maybe he just couldn't see it. i wanted to tell these two people so badly...so badly i really had to restrain myself...that maybe they should date each other instead of trying to find dates for the other. haha. but that's besides the point.
I also am writing this in terms of more "romantic" relationships...like maybe it is worth the pain of, not just rejection, but maybe the pain of acceptance too. Sometimes I think I escape behind my religion ("the lord is coming back so, why bother?) to ignore relationships on all different levels, not because of the rejection but because of the acceptance...and i was talking about this with two friends after reading an article about it, which i shall have to shall sometime. In general I am really frustrated with escapism, especially behind religion...carole why don't you just deal with your problem!!!!
wow that was a lot. this conversation really struck me for some reason. I guess I have learned that people are pretty much, next to God, the only thing that really matters and also I don't want to let life pass me by but grab it by the throat and really spend time with people because that's what really matters to me.
one more thing, the woman said people in the north often have low vitamin D levels and that it can make them feel kind of down and I wondering if my grayness is impacted by the weather...but that is a different subject for a different time
thanks for reading. sorry if you think i'm a nosy eavesdropper...because maybe i am =)
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